Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
