were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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