so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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