well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
