Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I FOUND THE LEGS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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