Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
