Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
