There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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