The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
