The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
