best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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