i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
