Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
