you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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