I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
