You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
