Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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