Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
