How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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