Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
