new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
