i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
