For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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