It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
