So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
