Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
