You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
