4 words: hood of his car
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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