was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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