i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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