Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
