Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
