i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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