my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
