I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
