I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
