I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
