it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
