I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize