he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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