Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
