i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
