uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
two words: eviction party
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
