Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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