Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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