His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
