this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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