If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
