I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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