What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What drink are we having for lunch?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
