She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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