i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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