On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
