I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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