the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
