We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
