i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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