i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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