I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
