I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
