I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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