Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Are my feet made of real feet?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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