i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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