hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
