What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
