every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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